The Italian Job

Just an fyi, don't expect posts to keep coming everyday...

There's a thief in my office. She stole my mug. And yes, I know exactly who she is.

I brought my own coffee mug to work one day. It’s a little bigger than the company mugs, and let's face it, much prettier. It was amazing. I'd fill up my coffee or tea with this stupid grin on my face, admiring my fantastically yellow mug, taking small sips and setting it on my desk so I can always see it out of the corner of my eye. And of course, my pretty little mug needs its daily washing. Every night after I was done for the day, I'd put my mug into the company dishwasher and pick it up from its little "I'm Clean!" cubby the next morning. I had this match-made-in-heaven morning drinking experience for a whole week.

Three weeks ago, however, my morning routine was shattered.

I headed to the cabinet Monday morning, smiling, just anxious to see my cup, who is also just as anxious to be filled with some sort of hot liquid... It was gone. No where to be found. My heart sunk a little as a panicked inner monologue was running through my head. Who could be so cruel? Is the thief treating it ok? Earl Grey is not one of its favorite morning drinks. Would the thief even know that? Would they even care? It is just common courtesy to leave the mugs that are so obviously not yours to the people who actually own them.

It has been three weeks since my mug was mug-napped.

Mornings really haven't been the same. I get this little glimmer of hope as I walk into the office. Maybe they put it back. Maybe they just confused my beautiful mug with their crappy one. Because they're blind. But every morning I find the cubby empty. And every evening when I check the dishwasher before I leave (I seriously do), nothing. This cruel person doesn't even wash it regularly. When I get it back, there will be some major cleaning done.

I had a little development today. My dad has also been looking for the perp, and apparently he's seen quick blurry images of my mug, and the person sprinting away, but he hasn't seen enough to know who has shattered my dreams these past few weeks. Today, however, I saw her. I was making tea in a paper cup (not actually paper - it’s kind that starts with an 's' that I have no idea how to spell) when I saw a flash of yellow out of the corner of my eye. I strategically dumped some of my tea out so I could keep filling it for an insane amount of time. I just watched. And waited.

She must store the mug on her desk, because she came in with it. After rinsing, she started get her lunch out of the refrigerator. My mug was sitting on the counter, sadly looking back at me. I was going to go all Heroes on her ass and stop time, ripping the mug off the counter and charging to my desk before restarting the clock. But since I don't have crazy cool powers, all I could do was watch. She looks relatively nice. That’s probably her angle - no one would ever suspect her. But I know.

I was thinking about striking up the incredibly awkward conversation. Ya know,
"Oh, that's a nice mug. It looks a lot like one I had." *evil glare that she probably won't even catch, because she's just as evil*
"Yeah, I really like it."
"I did too."
"What happened" with a tone so fake innocent you just want to scream.
"Oh, don't give me that! You stole it! You thieving thief!" And then a catfight would break out where she'll slap at me pathetically as I cock my fist back, preparing for the final and fatal blow.

But I didn't. I am a coward. And I decided stealing it back would make me feel better. You know - kind of an eye for an eye deal, but more dramatic and modern. I'm thinking about doing a full-blown heist complete with headsets and getaway cars. If I could find some cables that could hang me from the ceiling, that'd be pretty awesome as well. She'll be working, and just as she's turning to pick up a penny that I flash-glued to the floor - I'll zing down from the cable, wearing expensive eyewear and bracelets with lazars that don't actually do anything, snatch the mug and zip back up into the ceiling. My computer guy, because every heist has a computer guy, will then transfer enough money from her account to mine for a year's supply of green tea. She won't even know what hit her.

Ha, yeah, take that!