The Italian Job

Just an fyi, don't expect posts to keep coming everyday...

There's a thief in my office. She stole my mug. And yes, I know exactly who she is.

I brought my own coffee mug to work one day. It’s a little bigger than the company mugs, and let's face it, much prettier. It was amazing. I'd fill up my coffee or tea with this stupid grin on my face, admiring my fantastically yellow mug, taking small sips and setting it on my desk so I can always see it out of the corner of my eye. And of course, my pretty little mug needs its daily washing. Every night after I was done for the day, I'd put my mug into the company dishwasher and pick it up from its little "I'm Clean!" cubby the next morning. I had this match-made-in-heaven morning drinking experience for a whole week.

Three weeks ago, however, my morning routine was shattered.

I headed to the cabinet Monday morning, smiling, just anxious to see my cup, who is also just as anxious to be filled with some sort of hot liquid... It was gone. No where to be found. My heart sunk a little as a panicked inner monologue was running through my head. Who could be so cruel? Is the thief treating it ok? Earl Grey is not one of its favorite morning drinks. Would the thief even know that? Would they even care? It is just common courtesy to leave the mugs that are so obviously not yours to the people who actually own them.

It has been three weeks since my mug was mug-napped.

Mornings really haven't been the same. I get this little glimmer of hope as I walk into the office. Maybe they put it back. Maybe they just confused my beautiful mug with their crappy one. Because they're blind. But every morning I find the cubby empty. And every evening when I check the dishwasher before I leave (I seriously do), nothing. This cruel person doesn't even wash it regularly. When I get it back, there will be some major cleaning done.

I had a little development today. My dad has also been looking for the perp, and apparently he's seen quick blurry images of my mug, and the person sprinting away, but he hasn't seen enough to know who has shattered my dreams these past few weeks. Today, however, I saw her. I was making tea in a paper cup (not actually paper - it’s kind that starts with an 's' that I have no idea how to spell) when I saw a flash of yellow out of the corner of my eye. I strategically dumped some of my tea out so I could keep filling it for an insane amount of time. I just watched. And waited.

She must store the mug on her desk, because she came in with it. After rinsing, she started get her lunch out of the refrigerator. My mug was sitting on the counter, sadly looking back at me. I was going to go all Heroes on her ass and stop time, ripping the mug off the counter and charging to my desk before restarting the clock. But since I don't have crazy cool powers, all I could do was watch. She looks relatively nice. That’s probably her angle - no one would ever suspect her. But I know.

I was thinking about striking up the incredibly awkward conversation. Ya know,
"Oh, that's a nice mug. It looks a lot like one I had." *evil glare that she probably won't even catch, because she's just as evil*
"Yeah, I really like it."
"I did too."
"What happened" with a tone so fake innocent you just want to scream.
"Oh, don't give me that! You stole it! You thieving thief!" And then a catfight would break out where she'll slap at me pathetically as I cock my fist back, preparing for the final and fatal blow.

But I didn't. I am a coward. And I decided stealing it back would make me feel better. You know - kind of an eye for an eye deal, but more dramatic and modern. I'm thinking about doing a full-blown heist complete with headsets and getaway cars. If I could find some cables that could hang me from the ceiling, that'd be pretty awesome as well. She'll be working, and just as she's turning to pick up a penny that I flash-glued to the floor - I'll zing down from the cable, wearing expensive eyewear and bracelets with lazars that don't actually do anything, snatch the mug and zip back up into the ceiling. My computer guy, because every heist has a computer guy, will then transfer enough money from her account to mine for a year's supply of green tea. She won't even know what hit her.

Ha, yeah, take that!

Instant Human: Just add Coffee

Do you ever wonder how some places attract the oddest collection of people? Yeah, yeah, everyone's unique, has their own fingerprint and personality, blah blah. But for the most part, similar people kind of find each other at the places they go to shop, eat, hang out, or whatever.

Those rules do not apply at coffee shops.

It must be something about the caffeine or whatever's in the bakery, because you could not find a group of people who are so different from one another. I work at a coffee shop on weekends. It really is a great job - laid back, great stories, good coffee - but we get the oddest groups of customers. We get the guys who could be CEO's of some company, cops and detectives, not super well off people who save up for their coffee, soccer moms, environmental groups, students, doctors and nurses, writes, readers, and artists. You name it, they come in.

Its fun. People always have a story to tell. But sometimes we also get the one's with really odd requests. Happens everywhere. You ask anyone who's had a job where they deal with customers, and they'll tell you. Weird things happen.

Like the other day.

This lady walks in on here cell phone (note to shoppers: we hate this. I mean really hate this. I've been shushed when I ask people what they want - why'd you walk up to the counter then? Moron). I'm in a good mood though, so this doesn't bother me much today. And its slow.

"My husband would like to talk with you." She says as the holds the phone out for me. Hmm. Well, this hasn't happened before. Please please, don't have him be a yeller.

"Oh, uh, ok. Hello?"

"Hi. Yeah, I want to order a drink." is your wife mute?

"alrighty, what can I get you?" maybe this is one of those really confusing drinks that end up costing people $20.

"Yeah, I want a medium coffee with a little vanilla. And could you leave some room for cream?" That's it? Seriously?

"Sure thing. Anything else today?"

"Nope, that's all. My wife will pay for it." Well I'd sure hope so, or you just made her waste a trip. Which, why aren't you here? Your wife's not even getting anything. And why could you just tell your wife that you wanted a coffee?

Oh well, maybe she was already out running errands or something. The guy I was working with and I had a pretty good laugh after she left. And that's all that really matters. This was much better than the time I had bagels thrown at me.

"M'am, could you please stop throwing the ones with cream cheese?"

Start Your Engines

I should be asleep.

My intentions are always good. I get ready for bed around 10, brush my teeth, set the alarm, and then guess what happens - I get sidetracked. I get distracted easily, apparently. Now I'm up creating a blog! Ha!

I am not a writer by any means. A blogger? We'll see I suppose. I get into these kicks where I start something but never finish it out. You'd think that would be pretty frustrating, and it is, but I've done that all my life. I have a beautiful guitar that I barely know how to play. The extent of my Spanish is, "Hola. Donde el Bano?" Which I don't actually know if that’s quite right. It gets the job done though. And besides, that is the most important question anyway! I've had blogs before. I'm really good about it at first, then I drop off the planet for awhile. When I get into the kick again, I create a new one!

Not this time though! This time if I leave the blog, I'm going to keep this bookmarked. When I get in the mood for another blog - I'll already have one! Not only will the fancy template already be in place, but I won't have to do another one of these, "Welcome to me!" posts. I don't know why these frustrate me - what gives me the right to think that anyone will actually read this? I have no idea why someone should want to hear what I have to say. But I guess this isn't really about anyone. This "thing" is kind of for me anyway, right? All the words and typos are mine! Muahaha! Well, enough introduction - on with the blog!

My dad wanted me to drive home from work the other day (I'm an intern at the same company) so he could stay later and finish up some things. He drove the stick-shift and I've driven that, maybe... 4 times? Anyway - I am so not comfortable driving 45 minutes in stop and go traffic with a car that I really don't know how to drive. During lunch he was going to teach me (ha!).

"Ah sh**!" -Me as the car stalls
"I mean shoot..."

"That's fine, turn it back on" -Dad. Wow, he is surprisingly calm for how many cars were starting to line up behind me.
"Put it back in first, anndd... ease up on the clutch..."

"Ah! Sh**! I'm rolling back!" -Me

"Gas. More gas. Gas! GAS!! MORE GAS!!" -Dad

*honking cars* SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! as the car skids from side to side as I'm seriously peeling off the line.

"aw, whew. Made it. How was that for enough gas!" -Me

(pause)

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." -Dad

"agreed" -Me